Toxic Is As Toxic Does

Okay, I'll admit it - I used to go OFF on people.
Come on, don't act like you've never had a moment where you wanted to be the better person, but, you reacted to a situation in a negative manner.   I can remember being pushed to the limit and reacting in a less than favorable manner to the person who pushed my button.  At the time, I didn't know that I had control over the buttons that people were pushing.  I just figured that if someone said or did something that caused me to feel disrespected, I had to defend myself. 

Someone is reading this and saying to themselves, "I've never done that!"
If you've never been in such a situation, just keep going to sleep and waking up.  I guarantee that you will have moments in your life where you will say or do something you regret.  The good news, is that you will do better as you learn.  The bad news, is that there are so many hurting people in the World, you are bound to run into a few.  One thing I have learned over the last several years of working with others and myself, is that I am in control of my buttons.  Hurting people feed off of the negative reactions they get while spewing negativity, and your best line of defense is to not react, at all.  Did you know that no reaction is indeed a reaction? 

We always want to have the last word, don't we?
What makes us get to a point where we know someone is hurting, so we want to hurt them back?  I have a friend who told me once, "If you knew someone was mentally ill, you would treat them like they were mentally ill."  This is so true.  We don't always know why people lash out, but we do know that there is a level of being toxic that exudes out of the pores of people.  We pretend we don't feel this energy when push come to shove, and this person says something we do not like.  We want to say what's on our mind, and get it off of our chest like the other person. 

God wants us to be quiet sometimes. 
There's always a reason to practice taming your tongue.  There's always a reason to pray for someone who is bringing you toxic energy.  I have lost friends and personal relationships from being toxic.  It wasn't until I was on the other side of the table that I got a chance to see what a toxic Dawn looked like.  Words are truly a powerful thing. They give us the power to heal and the power to hurt, and the power to build up and the power to tear down.

Controlling what we say from moment to moment is perhaps the most daunting challenge of Christian living.
This is the one challenge people who want to live a fruitful life. but who also want to resolve issues.  I do not like confrontation, and at the same time, I don't like to leave situations that I want to work on, stagnant.  It can sometimes put you in a tough predicament, but it's a great challenge to overcome.  You avoid the angry outbursts, cutting remarks, and unguarded responses that lead only to damage, embarrassment, and regret.

And what kind of new habits of speech should replace the old?
Words of encouragement, words that bring life to others and to self, words that do not cause dis-ease in others.    If the last words you feel the need to utter are not bringing life to someone, do all parties involved a favor - don't speak.  As fast as you can praise God, is as fast as you can lead someone away from God, just by not taming your tongue.  Think about it.

Are you bitter? Let's tackle the elephant, now.

Did you know that you are the company you keep?  
I have been preaching this for years in social media, to clients, in my everyday life, and in my programs, however, I feel the need to repeat it because some enjoy the knowledge I spread, but think it somehow doesn't apply to the toxic areas of their life.  Life is too short to be bitter, yet, so many people spend their time relishing in thinking ill of others (and for some, it's even worse - they feel this way about those they don't know/have never met/will never meet).  Many people are practicing habits that not only cause them to be bitter but ultimately, affect how they interact with others. 

Reminders can get you back to YOU, and, it's about time for a crash-course. 
For the third time, I'm doing the, "Don't Be Bitter, Be Better: Eliminating Toxic People, Places, and Things From Your Life" series.  This series is focused on helping those who need to understand the simple things that are causing dis-ease in their life.  I have not done this series since 2010, and, so much has changed with new social media, "catfishing", and increased narcissism as a result.  This will be a great series, packed with new information and life lessons I've had to learn since having my twins.

Do you know someone who is bitter?
We refer to them as many things but we all know a bitter person.  You may call them, "haters". We see them on the freeway, at work, at church, in the malls, while eating at restaurants and sometimes within our personal social circles. 

Bitter people will try and downplay your time, talent and treasures.  
If you aren't careful they will tear you down, get aggressive towards you when you call them on it, and attempt to blame it all on you.  One experience should be enough to show people they don't want to be around such people, but like most of us, you will have to learn from multiple experiences.

Bitter people don't have to define you. 
There are certain things that I refuse to deal with.  I made a list of things that I said I was not going to tolerate and I gave this list to my friend and Life Coaches so I could be made accountable whenever I deviated from this list.  Here are some of the things from that list:

• I will not tolerate anyone who cannot hold an intelligent conversation with me
• I will not tolerate anyone I barely know to pull me out of my comfort zone if I don't feel comfortable doing so
• I will not tolerate mental/verbal/or emotional abuse from anyone
• I will not any person, place or thing that doesn't match my purpose to distract me from my God given purpose

Take some time this week and make a list of things you are not willing to tolerate.  You then will have a set of standards that you can use as a metric for the people currently in your life.  You may look at the list after you're done and automatically know who you need to cut from your life in order to be happy - be careful though because the person you may need to cut is your current SELF in order for a BETTER YOU to replace the current you.

KNOW THIS: Bitter people will pull you down and prohibit you from being at your best.  
What you settle for in friends for the sake of not being lonely will be the thing that keeps you from your happiness.  Settling for second best in ALL parts of your life should be a no-no. 

Remember that nugget of TRUTH from The SEQ!

I love you, and there's absolutely, positively, nothin you can do about it!!! Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™ © 2016 Dawn The Self-Esteem Queen™ All rights reserved.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR - With a knack for bouncing back when faced with the most difficult adversity, Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™ has quickly become known for her ability to get people out the “victim” mindset immediately. An Internationally Recognized Rescuer of Sex-Trafficked Teens and Runaways, Motivational Speaker, Author, Mentor and Spiritual Life Coach, Dawn “The Self Esteem Queen” uses her experience with trials to mentor, minister, and coach people all over the World. One of today’s leading experts on Teen Mentoring, Self-Esteem Enhancement, and Servant Leadership, Dawn’s mission in life is to teach individuals how to BE BETTER Human Beings.

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