She came to me broken.
She'd been making the same excuse for years and it had finally caught up with her. "This is just who I am" was no longer working in her life. Her boss had called her into the office with a write-up about her
I wish that I could have retired from rescuing sex-trafficked teens and runaways years ago.
17 years is a long time to be in this type of business. Sadly I don't run out of work. Every week, I am contacted by someone who is led to me by word of mouth. I've never had to advertise my
I teach people how to be better Human Beings.
The topic of friendship comes up in most of my Q&A with clients and students I coach. There is an increasingly alarming decline in the morality of adults in a time where our young adults need to see strong leaders who exemplify the values of loyalty and unity.
I spent 3 years doing a tele-series on toxic friendships.
The topic always brought a myriad of
I wanted to follow up my conversation last week on overcoming the fear of, "what if" and dig right into procrastination.
If you're reading this, you don't need a feel-good chaser or fluff words; you've read enough of those and we are done placating. TRUTH: If you have a fear that you've not overcome you most certainly have been procrastinating on the milestones needed to overcome the fear. Don't start beating yours...
17-years of owning a profitable business brings experience and knowledge.
Being an Entrepreneur also brings me happiness, a sense of accomplishment, gratitude, and financial security. Do you want to know what else comes with that 17-years of experience? Overwhelm, grief, restlessness, the feeling of not...
I've had a long several years.
In 2007, I experienced a lot of pain physically and was very sick. I weighed 102 pounds and was told death was around my corner. I fell out with all of my friends and secluded myself from everyone. All I did was work. Hard. For everyone else but myself.
In 2009, I lost my father. He was only 50. It is still difficult to talk about or think about the fact that we were laughing on the phone, and then 45 minutes later I got a call that he had passed away. I felt like my life was really starting to spin out of control.
In 2010, I shut down my business of rescuing trafficked teens after working for 10 years, with no reality show, TV specials, or cameras. I did it from my heart, not for the accolades of man. I felt the pain of each and every teen I encountered, and I took in the pain that they had as my own. At the end of 2010, my partner (someone I had known since high school) broke up with me, the day after my birthday, and never talked to me again.
I could go on, but you get the point. I've been experiencing a lot while running a business online and offline and raising 2 1/2-year-old twins. After becoming a mom, I knew my life had to change. I closed down my coaching business. How can I help other people when my kids need help now? How can I help other people who don't really want the help; they just want someone to vent to and give them advice they know they will make an excuse not to take? I got tired. So, I decided to start doing things that make me happy. Watching my mom get up and go to work wasn't making me happy. I knew that my mom really desired to start another daycare, but had tried several years ago and didn't get enough kids to quit her day job. When I was a kid, I loved the fact that my mom was home all the time, and my house was like a toy store. I loved all of the kids in my mom's daycare, and my teacher, Mr. Randall, would drive me home for lunch several days out of the week, where my mom had gumbo, jambalaya, or some amazing dish prepared.
I realized this year that in order for me to get back to my base of happiness, I have to take it back to where it all started. So, this year I told myself I was going to retire my mom. Got her the retirement car and everything. As of November, my mom is opening up a daycare again, but it's just to service the twins. I have a preschool teaching coming in the house once a week now, and sincerely, I'm not at all impressed. My mom taught the twins how to talk, she taught me how to prepare their food, and the twins have been vegetarians thus far, have never had juice, and are big and healthy. I have kept track of every single thing my twins have eaten since they were born, and I have been slow to introduce things that could be potentially dangerous, or habit forming (i.e., sugar and heavy seasoning). All of this is because of my mom. She's the one who needs to be with them, not some nanny I have to monitor on my nanny monitor all day long. They've also never been sick. Not one day.
Being highly sensitive and highly empathetic is rewarding and it's also a very difficult gift to manage. If you're not careful, you'll find yourself taking on the pain of others in a way that makes you want to solve problems that people themselves don't take the time to work out.
My mom likes to watch Iyanla on OWN, and she said something very poignant the other night that Iyanla had told someone, "If they're broken, they can't love you because they don't love themselves." I have tried to come out and mingle with folk, only to be ostracized due to the insecurities some have with the light I possess. I realize that not everyone can deal with someone like me. I realize that my light to some is a problem. I cannot dim it for anyone, and I wouldn't want or encourage anyone to dim their light in order to keep someone around who probably dwells in darkness.
Speaking of darkness, I also had to admit to myself that lately, I've been around some really dark people. There are people close to me who are experiencing a lot of issues of their own, and they have come to me to dump them off on me because I never explained to them that I can't take on the problems of others. I've had to disconnect myself from people who no longer serve me. I know that people are drawn to my light, but, in my downtime, I cannot be in the presence of people who are dark, and who continue to repeat the same things over and over again while playing the victim. I can't offer advice, or sit and listen to anyone who is living a life that I don't approve of. I let go.
I let go of the need to have people around me. I'm never lonely, but sometimes, I need to be alone. I need to be in silence. I need to to be in a good space. Sometimes that space is taken up by someone who wants to vent to me, but, I now direct myself to other things and give no time for others to use me as a sounding board. I've turned my Pandora back on. Music is my white noise. It doesn't talk back to me or give me victim stories.
I am letting go of the need to answer everyone's questions, speak at everyone's events, and overall, I'm opening up another non-profit, this time a foundation, as well as a human training seminar company, so I can serve in a bigger way. I am in a space of being very uncomfortable, and I enjoy it. I thrive here. I thrive in a place where creativity flows. I thrive when I am free from distractions and needless banter. Right now, I am thriving. I am thriving because I am putting myself as my priority and leaving others to figure things out on their own. I cannot, and I will not have my kindness mistaken for weakness. When I feel this way, I back all the way up, retreat, and say goodbye silently. I don't thrive in drama, and I don't want to be around people who seem to love it.
Sometimes, you have to end this to begin that, and it starts with letting go even when it's uncomfortable to do so. You will get comfortable with your faith as you begin to test it, and it performs above your expectations. Let go of the distractions. They do not serve you, but rather, serve their own ego.
Have a great weekend.
When you look at the above picture, your first impression is that I'm a victim of domestic violence. While visually this is true, what's also a fact is that I've fought and instigated fights in many of my dysfunctional relationships. In other words, I WAS the dysfunction.
The abuse started young.
I stabbed my first boyfriend in the ninth grade. I was thirteen years old. He and I still talk about that to this day. I vividly remember asking him to leave my house after finding out he was at a party over the weekend with a girl while he told me he was at home. I came out of the bathroom to find my front door still locked from the inside. I knew he was still in my house, and it enraged me. When I found him, in a box, I stabbed him several times. He ended up going to get stitches, and just like he lied to me, he lied to his mom about what happened to him. Young, dysfunctional love.
I didn't learn the lesson, and the pain continued.
In college, I dated a guy who ended up having two kids while we were living together. When I found out about the kids and confronted him, he threw me through the shower door, shattering the door and leaving me in the rubble. I stayed with him longer than I should have because I had already introduced him to my family and friends and didn't want to have to explain the reason it didn't work out. Young adult dysfunctional love.
In the picture above, I actually initiated the fight, and hit the person first, His natural reaction to being punched in the face was to hit me back, He spent 30 days in jail; I walked away looking like the victim. Truth was, so was he. How many women are abusive to men, and then run and scream, "domestic violence" when the man attacks them back? I know this is not true in all cases, however, it was true in many instances of my life. No one deserves to be abused spiritually, verbally, financially, mentally, emotionally, or physically. This is something we all know for sure. We rarely, however, hear the stories of men who endure physical abuse and don't hit back, men who endure emotional abuse and say nothing for months or years... We only hear what happens when women are victimized by men.
As an adult, I have abruptly ended relationships when I see one red flag. I don't normally give second chances. This has reduced my violent tendencies, and it has also reduced the time I now spend on relationships that don't serve me. This month, I want women to stop and acknowledge the battered men out there who stay in abusive relationships, suffering in silence to save a relationship. They are no different because they are males. They too, suffer from abuse, and need to be acknowledged and supported.
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day.
Around the world, survivors are telling others around us our stories of hope, faith, and the pain we live with as suicide survivors. Make no mistake; there are plenty of people who do not understand why people take their lives, and they see it as a selfish act meant to hurt others.
I'm here to tell you that this is not always the case. When I mentor teens on depression and suicide, I always tell them to focus on the positive and work hard to refuse to acknowledge the negative. There are so many things that can bring a person down, and often, we're not taught how to cope with the stress of let downs, disappointments, and setbacks. When the pain is unbearable, when you no longer have the wherewithal to keep up the fake smile, and the tears seem to stream down your face, you really wish you had someone to talk to, someone to comfort you, and someone to let you know that all is well, and that it will get better.
If you're suffering right now, and you feel like your lows outweigh your highs, please know I am here. I understand. I have been there, and sometimes, travel back there. If I had one piece of advice for you today, it would be to this: focus on the positive. Focus on even the smallest things - the ability to see, hear, smell, feel, and touch. Fpcus on the little bit of good around you. Focus on all of the things that have at one point, brought you joy. If you need someone to talk to, please call 1-800-273-8255. This is the number to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the US. If you are a teen, and you need to reach out to me, I offer FREE SKYPE SESSIONS for teens who are living with depression - notice I don't say, "struggling" - it's not always a struggle, and we don't want to keep giving it that title and power.
Please know you are not alone. If you need me, I am here.
I love you, and there's absolutely, positively, nothin' you can do about it.
Heal the humans, and don't worry about pleasing the people. At first read, it may not make a lot of sense to you. Closer reflection brings about the real meaning of this simple phrase. In life we have humans, and, we have people. People are about the world and are caught up in the material things that life brings. People are looking to impress others, and often don't serve others in the process. Humans are servant leaders. They are concerned with mankind, and are often very sensitive and private about the pain they endure in the process of healing others. That's the crowd I'm focused on in life.
Your glow will be contagious.
When you have the ordained glow of God around you, people who are light can see it as well as people who are dark. It's the ones who are dark that seem to navigate right to your side and often become a thorn. As a healer, the line you will walk is fine. This line will teeter between people ogling over you, and others who want to depend on you for everyday healing. Your healing abilities will become an obsession for some, and it's up to you to decipher the people who care so much about protecting your glow, and those who are only around to gain some for themselves.
Keep some, Lose some.
After losing two really intricate parts of Light The Mood last year, I opted to maintain friendships over holding my dearest friends to the obligation of getting Light The Mood off the ground. I love how my real friendships are not affected by business decisions. In business, there will come a point when you have to pick between working with people you know, or strangers. There are benefits to both, and, consequences as well. During this same time, I confided in a close friend who had a lot of suggestions for how my candles should look and be packaged, but, would never even purchase a candle. How then, could you be a part of my company, when you can't even invest in the candles I make? The friendship eventually sizzled out earlier this year, and it was really long overdue. Two different ends of a spectrum. In the first scenario, I maintained friendships. In the second, I lost someone who was going in a different direction in life. Lesson: Playing Russian roulette with friendships and business ventures isn't worth risking a friendship but, when you see someone unequally yoked, let them jump ship.
Miracles happen when you learn to catch your own fish.
I literally work around the clock.
Focus only on what you want to happen.
If you've been experiencing the discomfort of letting go, allow me to remind you of the season. This is the season to let go of things that no longer serve you. This is the season to let go of people who don't wish you well, but, are always in your business. This is the season to let go of the pain of drama brought to you by those people and places that cause you dis-ease.
It's not as difficult as you would like to think it is. I know there are plenty of people who would rather stay in the comfort of pain than to rise to the occasion and stand for their happiness. I know it's easier to talk about people behind their backs and smile in their faces, because I've seen plenty of my "old friends" do this with each other. They smile in front of each other, and dog each other out to me. One day, I got tired of being the sounding board for this mess and cut them all off. It was not as hard as I imagined it would be. As soon as I cut of the toxic energy, I got plenty of blessings, which I saw as God's way of reminding me that He has my back and that no one should be able to take away anything