If you're reading this, you don't need a feel-good chaser or fluff words; you've read enough of those and we are done placating. TRUTH: If you have a fear that you've not overcome you most certainly have been procrastinating on the milestones needed to overcome the fear. Don't start beating yours...
When you look at the above picture, your first impression is that I'm a victim of domestic violence. While visually this is true, what's also a fact is that I've fought and instigated fights in many of my dysfunctional relationships. In other words, I WAS the dysfunction.
The abuse started young.
I stabbed my first boyfriend in the ninth grade. I was thirteen years old. He and I still talk about that to this day. I vividly remember asking him to leave my house after finding out he was at a party over the weekend with a girl while he told me he was at home. I came out of the bathroom to find my front door still locked from the inside. I knew he was still in my house, and it enraged me. When I found him, in a box, I stabbed him several times. He ended up going to get stitches, and just like he lied to me, he lied to his mom about what happened to him. Young, dysfunctional love.
I didn't learn the lesson, and the pain continued.
In college, I dated a guy who ended up having two kids while we were living together. When I found out about the kids and confronted him, he threw me through the shower door, shattering the door and leaving me in the rubble. I stayed with him longer than I should have because I had already introduced him to my family and friends and didn't want to have to explain the reason it didn't work out. Young adult dysfunctional love.
In the picture above, I actually initiated the fight, and hit the person first, His natural reaction to being punched in the face was to hit me back, He spent 30 days in jail; I walked away looking like the victim. Truth was, so was he. How many women are abusive to men, and then run and scream, "domestic violence" when the man attacks them back? I know this is not true in all cases, however, it was true in many instances of my life. No one deserves to be abused spiritually, verbally, financially, mentally, emotionally, or physically. This is something we all know for sure. We rarely, however, hear the stories of men who endure physical abuse and don't hit back, men who endure emotional abuse and say nothing for months or years... We only hear what happens when women are victimized by men.
As an adult, I have abruptly ended relationships when I see one red flag. I don't normally give second chances. This has reduced my violent tendencies, and it has also reduced the time I now spend on relationships that don't serve me. This month, I want women to stop and acknowledge the battered men out there who stay in abusive relationships, suffering in silence to save a relationship. They are no different because they are males. They too, suffer from abuse, and need to be acknowledged and supported.
XOXO
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day.
Around the world, survivors are telling others around us our stories of hope, faith, and the pain we live with as suicide survivors. Make no mistake; there are plenty of people who do not understand why people take their lives, and they see it as a selfish act meant to hurt others.
I'm here to tell you that this is not always the case. When I mentor teens on depression and suicide, I always tell them to focus on the positive and work hard to refuse to acknowledge the negative. There are so many things that can bring a person down, and often, we're not taught how to cope with the stress of let downs, disappointments, and setbacks. When the pain is unbearable, when you no longer have the wherewithal to keep up the fake smile, and the tears seem to stream down your face, you really wish you had someone to talk to, someone to comfort you, and someone to let you know that all is well, and that it will get better.
If you're suffering right now, and you feel like your lows outweigh your highs, please know I am here. I understand. I have been there, and sometimes, travel back there. If I had one piece of advice for you today, it would be to this: focus on the positive. Focus on even the smallest things - the ability to see, hear, smell, feel, and touch. Fpcus on the little bit of good around you. Focus on all of the things that have at one point, brought you joy. If you need someone to talk to, please call 1-800-273-8255. This is the number to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the US. If you are a teen, and you need to reach out to me, I offer FREE SKYPE SESSIONS for teens who are living with depression - notice I don't say, "struggling" - it's not always a struggle, and we don't want to keep giving it that title and power.
Please know you are not alone. If you need me, I am here.
I love you, and there's absolutely, positively, nothin' you can do about it.
XOXO
Heal the humans, and don't worry about pleasing the people. At first read, it may not make a lot of sense to you. Closer reflection brings about the real meaning of this simple phrase. In life we have humans, and, we have people. People are about the world and are caught up in the material things that life brings. People are looking to impress others, and often don't serve others in the process. Humans are servant leaders. They are concerned with mankind, and are often very sensitive and private about the pain they endure in the process of healing others. That's the crowd I'm focused on in life.
When you have the ordained glow of God around you, people who are light can see it as well as people who are dark. It's the ones who are dark that seem to navigate right to your side and often become a thorn. As a healer, the line you will walk is fine. This line will teeter between people ogling over you, and others who want to depend on you for everyday healing. Your healing abilities will become an obsession for some, and it's up to you to decipher the people who care so much about protecting your glow, and those who are only around to gain some for themselves.
After losing two really intricate parts of Light The Mood last year, I opted to maintain friendships over holding my dearest friends to the obligation of getting Light The Mood off the ground. I love how my real friendships are not affected by business decisions. In business, there will come a point when you have to pick between working with people you know, or strangers. There are benefits to both, and, consequences as well. During this same time, I confided in a close friend who had a lot of suggestions for how my candles should look and be packaged, but, would never even purchase a candle. How then, could you be a part of my company, when you can't even invest in the candles I make? The friendship eventually sizzled out earlier this year, and it was really long overdue. Two different ends of a spectrum. In the first scenario, I maintained friendships. In the second, I lost someone who was going in a different direction in life. Lesson: Playing Russian roulette with friendships and business ventures isn't worth risking a friendship but, when you see someone unequally yoked, let them jump ship.
Well, you know my transparency will either make you laugh, or, make you cry laughing. Today's story is no different. One day, I met this guy at the Sherman Oaks 24 Hour Fitness, and, well... Watch for yourself!
“The people who make it to the top – whether they’re musicians, or great chefs, or corporate honchos – are addicted to their calling … [they] are the ones who’d be doing whatever it is they love, even if they weren’t being paid.”
Quincy Jones
This quote is so true. As soon as I started back to my passions, I started to smile again. Unhappiness is work for me. I surrendered my life back to my passions, and I'm not looking back. I'm sure depression will try to creep up again, but, I will be prepared.
This I know for sure: happiness is your responsibility. It cannot be placed on income, a job, school, friends, or mates. Your internal happiness is your responsibility. What you project outward is a reflection of who you are inside. There may be things you need to work on - this is a good thing. Keep setting goals, achieving them, and setting more goals. You are here for a purpose, and that purpose cannot be actualized if you are stuck in despair.
What do you love? Do you even know? If not, then it's time to pause everything else, and take some time to figure out what you're passionate about. That's a good place to begin.
Until next time,
XOXO
Sometimes, I get tired.
I help several (over 20) people per month, and take in their energy, while giving out my own. I'm looking for a better way to serve more people, but for now, it's all me, all the time. Not complaining, just explaining. I'm also a full-time mother of twins, so I spend the bulk of my not-so-free time with them, teaching them colors and numbers and alphabets. At some point, I lost balance. In the midst of taking on the issues of others, something happened that rocked me - I found out one of my clients had been lying to me the whole time we worked together. I felt like a bad coach; all of the milestones I thought we had reached together were all lies. I think that was my breaking point.
At this same time, in my personal life, I found that I was giving too much of me out to some people who were giving me nothing but negativity. When you have a giving spirit, you want to help everyone, and even I tell people that's impossible yet, here I am trying to do just that. What are you looking for in your relationships? Are you looking for loyal friends, people who are going to check on your in a consistent manner, or are you looking for someone who is distant but still there when you need them? When you are giving and not receiving, either the other person doesn't know, or they don't care.
Don't lie to yourself - only you know which is truly is.
I love to write, but had not made time for that in my schedule. No matter how good my time management was, I didn't budget this in. While I'm helping others live their passion, I'm not living my own. I know things have to change, and now, I'm working with like-minded people to make these changes. I've gotten more personal work done in the last two days than I have in the last month, all because I have an awesome friend who sits on Skype with me and challenges me to move forward. We don't do, "stagnant".
I love being around people who are similar to me. These are people I don't have to tell how to be around me, because they know how to be around me. I love that I don't have to deal with inconsistencies, and when I allow people who are pulling me down into my life, I'm grateful I have the gift of discernment to know when to back up or walk away. I am back to doing my internal work, because I know that my life's purpose is to serve others and in order to serve others, I have to get back to serving myself.
More to come. Have a great weekend.
XOXO
SEQ
I have been enjoying this much needed vacation from social media. I've had a lot of time to read, write, and I am excited and at the same time in awe of God's presence in my life. In the midst of this change, God sent me a friend that most people would die to have; a compassionate, affectionate, and honest person who loves me unconditionally despite my flaws and continues to amaze me on a daily basis.
I have battled storms as many of you have over the last few months, and one of the things that I always do is teach you while I am being taught. This blog goes out to my friend who has / continues to teach me what it's like to be Christ-like.
The pain and frustration of learning that which God yearns to teach us can sometimes be overbearing, but to survive life you must be a warrior and adopt a stronger demeanor than the average person.
Below are 3 Things You Must Know About God and Your Breakthrough...
ADVERSITY IS GOD'S WAY OF GIVING YOU GUIDANCE AND INSTRUCTION.
I remember when I was losing weight and I really wanted to push myself to the limit. I had never been bungee jumping before but had always wanted to go. I consider myself to be daring, and the idea that I would be jumping off a bridge was too tempting to refuse. The hike was the most challenging part of the whole trip. Though I had been hiking in the Santa Monica Mountains for weeks, I was not prepared to depend on my balancing act on a fallen tree and a rope to get me across the swift current that had me afraid of being carried away. I can recall zoning out and all of my thoughts went to crossing safely while still having fun. All of a sudden, I became "G.I. Self-Esteem Queen"and crossed right on over with no problem! I WAS BEYOND EXCITED! God showed me that once I took the fear off crossing and put my thoughts on the fun I was having, it became a joyous experience for me.
DELAY IS NOT DENIAL.
I have learned that what God does for others He more than desires to do for you. When I'm longing for Him to be closer to me, He's longing for me to be closer to Him. That feels so good! I stood there on the podium afraid that since I was close to the last person jumping that the cords somehow had gotten tired and would definitely give out on me - THE WRONG THOUGHTS TO BE HAVING BEFORE JUMPING OFF A BRIDGE! I stood there and thought about all the choices I made and how they affected my life. I thought about how God always came through in the nick of time when I would have to smile in public and cry in private at things I went through in my personal life. Delay is not denial when the goal is to learn by example even if the example is you learning from yourself. I looked down, smiled at God for allowing me to see just how much fun everyone before me had, and I jumped the heck off that bridge!
FAITH REQUIRES YOU TO TRUST BEYOND THAT WHICH YOU CAN UNDERSTAND.
Sometimes when you're in the midst of your trials you want to give up and throw in the towel. It's difficult to deal with broken hearts, unpaid bills, uncertainty about job security, and surviving in a city where innocent people are gunned down at random. At my lowest point, I was reminded of the following from a dear friend; I have been here in this exact place before at some point in my life, so this place is not foreign to me (and should not be foreign to you either). This is the time to put on the armor my friends. The enemy we call bitterness, rage, guilt, frustration, setbacks, hold-ups, and things of that nature are outside waiting for you to come from your retreat. You, therefore, MUST remember what Ephesians 6:11-13 says,
Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the
devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against
the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and
against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on
the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to
stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Today is the day to return to that hobby, activity, or goal setting that had you fired up for life long ago. I'm not afraid of failing, I'm afraid of not trying my hardest to achieve my goals. I am always inspired by those who I see around me reach their goals and beyond. I stand before you encouraged for your future, and humbly accept my lessons so that my future can be bright and full of wisdom.
I love you, and there's absolutely, positively, nothin' you can do about it!!!
SEQ
A lot of you were taught to believe that being INSIDE of a church brings you closer to God, but, what if you go to church and spend you time gossiping, judging how others are dressed, or lusting after someone in your congregation.
A lot of you were taught to pray without ceasing, to know those few choice scriptures that will keep you grounded, and to keep your Bible opened to Psalm 23 for protection but, what happens when you live in the flesh instead of the spirit, over and over again when you know that leads you down a destructive path?
Most don't know I studied theology for several years, and while I was born a Christian, I am a practicing Buddhist. I spend my mornings meditating and for the most part, I live a very peaceful life. There aren't a lot of people in my private space, and even being a busy entrepreneur and a full-time mother, I still make time to center my mind every single day.
There is no work-eat-sleep-repeat in my life. I find that when I become mundane to the things around me, I get stuck in the same rut I ran from.
Case-and-point: I am obsessed with having a clean house. Even with kids, I take a lot of time out to make sure that I'm cleaning as I go. While it takes more time, the adverse is me allowing it to build up, and then getting anxiety at having to clean it all up. That old habit of living around people who were functioning pack-rats is always in the forefront of my mind. I practice gratitude of my growth by keeping my space clean, and clear.
Case-and-point: I'm helping a long lost friend I used to be in love with get over a death. There are moments when the conversation has the potential to lead us down memory lane, but, I remember the past, and how bad it made me feel, and I then continue to help with love, from afar, so I don't get caught up in the past drama. I've trained my mind to always go back to the focus of the reason I'm helping; to make sure this person can grieve as healthy as possible.
If you've not already written down the habits that prohibit you from spending time with yourself, I encourage you to do that today. Then, write down what you SHOULD be doing in that space, and do this on a small 3x5 card which you can pull out at anytime as a reminder.
A lot of you are tired of repeating the things you thought you took out of your life. It starts with consistent good days, and you can start that today! :)
XOXO
SEQ
